Nirgendwo In Time

Departures
The living eat the living to live.
If you are gonna eat, it might as well taste good.
It's tasty, it is sadly.

Exile
Not everyone, but some.
They do come home eventually.

Wisdom
You are wise.
Show him the way.

Osanthes

I'm back to where I was last year; People wise, terrible. There are two things now stopping me from unravelling, a sense of purpose and a glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel when the year ends. I know all too well where this leads to. Based on my calculations, sometime near September and October, extreme depression should be settling in once that purpose is finished. I hope stubborn-ness prevails in the latter, then we prove a point, show that we won't die, then we shall see some light.

Light!

Chanson

Lately I have rediscovered Joe Hisashi's compositions for Hazuo Mizoyaki's films like Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away. Lush, beautiful, child-like, dramatic, tumultuous, grandiose, all frozen in moment. How I wish that I could compose like that.

This is the last piece I have.

Lemons

The Sunday when you said we were done... I should have been more skeptical.

Lemonade for you?

Bearish

They say that I smile and laugh more these days, they say that I know everything. In their world perhaps, yet I do not know what is ordinary anymore. Do they know who they are referring to?

Regent, do you believe every second is equal? In life, it is not. But you already know that, because you are me. However I will be more than happy to not have to depend on you, to do the right thing, ever. You and I, we are subjected to an unbreakable union. And there's still a good seven months that you need to be in charge. For what you have to do, I'm such an ungrateful and unapolegtic person. You know what must be done, and there is no one else that I trust for that. Do what you will, with this precious seconds, by the powers invested in you, and keep us safe in a crazy world of ever-diminishing returns. 

Slips

I was ordering my dinner today when when the cashier had a slip of the tongue and quoted me "one ringgit" for an additional item before hastily correcting herself "one dollar".

Lafayet

A small victory. Just that small. So you speak no more about it.

To Speak Or Not To Speak

This is perhaps the most bizzarest day of realization I ever had in the last two years. Stranger things have happened in this month of quiet than the whole of last year put together.

Firstly, there's the incident unravelling as I speak, which I have a great urge to spout some truths to the persons concerned. But on advise from friends, to avoid risking humiliation and resume practical living, have been encouraged not to blurt anything at all.

Oddly, funnily, there's this other totally unrelated situation that has been at a standstill ever since I arrived. Now some of this same friends, are so eager for me to speak up about it to the relevant person, because no one else dares to. I tried but the situation is never right for me to get to the topic.

What shall I do exactly? All the oxymoronic people around. Huh.

What would you do if you were me?

And if you coincidentally think I'm mentioning about you, which situation do you think it is?

HAHAHA

I learnt about a big joke today.

05.33

The day after the guesswork. Did we all get it correct? I go into a diminished state of thought, but perhaps I'll see you around.

Just because it is, doesn't mean it should be.

Meanderings of Tea

I had the immensely strange fortune of visiting a tea house that I last went to when I was in Primary 2, which was slightly over a good decade ago. I only sparsely remember the place by the shophouse's staircase, and the surrounding buildings. Strangely enough on my way back, I was practising chattering away in my startling command of Japanese with someone who had just started learning, makes me wish I had completed it. 

Waters of Irrawaddy

The little wooden boat came to a halt amidst the fog and rain cloaked swamp. There he exhaled, peering into the echoing darkness of the Irrawaddy. Not too long before, these muddy waters were murkier still, with the crimson shrieks of blood shed by unsung souls of the massacre. Indeed, blood runs thicker than water. Silence flooded the air. Thrice, he cried, is anyone there. The response came in the form of a resounding thunder. Man-made, but you couldn't see the smoke trail that followed amidst the fog. Then, he fell, and felt the river waters embracing him. He gasped, ran a quick prayer, and spoke no more.

The Irrawaddy River is the largest river in Burmar.

Satre

Apparently this derelic haunt of a bloggard is still being tracked by the nifty Reader, which in turns serves me in tracking a whole lot more people. Well well, don't we all like to know what's missing from our lives while others are having the fun. I assumed most people wouldn't bother or will just give up, as my writing is terribly hard to understand. Having two persons telling me that over the last month just kind of confirms that.

If you care to know, today was the last day of my attachment after nearly a month. And I'm being ejected from the normality that I was enjoying back to the shall-not-be mentioned place. Here's a rather obscure analogy, if you give villagers in a backward village a taste of having instant piping hot showers, they would crave for that every day after and be very miserable if they can't have their hot showers. Freedom is hard to put a price tag on eh.

The month has done what two days a week earlier cannot: returning the freedom of thought. My thoughts are very location-oriented and they tend to submerge themselves in shall-not-be mentioned place, or simply flow like a stream while I'm on the train or something moving. So the thought fears for its impending diminished existence, which is why this paragraph exists.

Lastly, it was a day of melancholy, distraction and surprise. There are things which I have done wrongly in the past, and even with the experience and knowledge, have failed today. Woe is me.  

Wow a rainbow!!

Immarcion

I'm reminded about how insignificant my might is.

There are so many statements regarding my (negatively entrenched) state of being, running through my mind now, that I shalln't bother writing about them lest people construe them in the wrong light. I went for a run and cycle but the adrenaline didn't help much to clear my mind. There's a nice shower pouring outside now in the night. Old friend, I just want to lie in your puddle, melt and disappear. 

Out of Order

Oh noes, I think this sounds off numerous warning bells. Back to back, I'm still an INTJ.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Very High
Schizoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Disorder:	Very High
Antisocial Disorder:	High
Borderline Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Disorder:	Very High
Narcissistic Disorder:	Very High
Avoidant Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Disorder:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

A Beautiful Mind

Over the past week, I have been greeted with a wall of silence by a person I have come to count on to return the echoes of my mind during the last three to four months. How does someone simply disappear without a word? You wonder if they are still alive and living or eating well. All that, I suppose that person is doing. A once parallel line that diverges into infinity in the opposite axes. Its cruel, in all sincerity. 

As the title of this entry suggests, I just watched the film of said title. And it does strike me how oddball or even delusional I could have been a few years back, and probably still am somewhat. 

Toil lighT

Mm I suppose we achieved something on Saturday.